


It’s Always Darkest Before The Dawn

by PurplePirate83



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Ash Lynx survives, Ash’s reaction to it, Ash’s thoughts in episode 24, Both aren’t seriously injured, Bryant Park, Eiji comes back for Ash, Eiji protects Ash in a way, Eiji’s farewell letter, Eiji’s protective charm, Eventual Happy Ending, M/M, NYPL, Sorrow, catching a plane, commission, devastation, flying to Japan, happiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:01:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24454861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurplePirate83/pseuds/PurplePirate83
Summary: This was a commission I’ve received.I was asked to write Ash’s and Eiji’s feelings at the end of episode 24. Ash had to survive and Eiji was supposed to save him at the end.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 1
Kudos: 59





	1. Found And Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that this was a commission I’ve done. I was asked to write Ash and Eiji’s feelings from both perspectives and find a way how Ash could survive without needing a hospital at the end.

_That's the fate I deserve._

That's what Ash thought when he stumbled back to the Public Library. While his left hand covered his stab wound, his other hand clutched the most precious gift he had ever received and probably didn't deserve: Eiji's farewell letter. 

His wound wasn't severe, and he'd probably survive it if he called help or went to a hospital. 

But what would be gain from that? A life as a gang leader? A life on the run from Dino's allies and the Corsican mafia? Or a life just waiting to be killed by some other street thug? 

His life didn't matter at all without Eiji by his side. Eiji was the only one who accepted him exactly as he was despite knowing all of his crimes, his trauma and his dark past. With him, he had felt human again, had learned to trust, to smile and to cry again. By his side, he had felt like a typical teenager and had even dared to hope that one day he'll get out of this hellhole that he called a life. 

So he was staggering to the only place he felt safe in New York. A place where he could pretend to be an ordinary student and flee to a fictional world for a while. Being around books always comforted him and made him relax. The Public Library had always been his safe haven or his sanctuary. He loved the smell of old books and history around him and the inner walls with its marble floors and ornaments and historical items on display everywhere. He especially loved the Rose Reading Room with its red carpet on which many famous writers and researchers had already walked. 

The only problem he had at the moment was that the Rose Reading Room was on the third floor. His wound burnt as if on fire, and he hoped he would reach it without anyone noticing the blood on his sweater. Lucky for him, his coat covered the blood, and his wound up pretty well. He quietly entered the building and began walking the steps to the third floor. He clenched his teeth and balled the hand holding Eiji's letter into a fist, careful not to lose Eiji's letter. He probably wouldn't be able to pick it up again in his current condition. Every step up to the third floor was like another stab wound and hurt like hell. Still, he couldn't give up so easily, he thought stubbornly. If he had to die, he wished to do so at his favorite place, at least. So he firmly kept climbing the stairs until he reached the Rose Reading Room and walked along the red carpet until sitting down at his favorite place. At this time of day, the room wasn't crowded, and no one even noticed him. So he just sat there, reading Eiji's letter again and again until he knew it by heart. Unfortunately, his bloody fingers had dirtied the letter. But his fate was sealed, so it didn't matter anymore.

Ash relaxed a bit when he remembered that Eiji would fly back to Japan soon, to a country where he'd be safe, would live a long, peaceful life, and would become a great photographer one day. He wondered what his pictures would look like... 

Maybe if he died, he would finally be as free as Eiji was when he had jumped over that wall with nothing more than a rusty pipe. While he looked at the ceiling with those breathtaking murals of vibrant skies and billowing clouds, he could practically see Eiji's smiling face as he waved at him from the airplane. 

_My soul is always with you._

Tears ran down his face. He wished the time with Eiji would have lasted longer. But he was grateful for every second he was able to spend with him and that he had even got to know such a selfless and genuinely kind person that brightened up every day of his life. Thanks to him, he had experienced true happiness and a bond so deep with another person that it would be unbreakable even across borders. That their souls would always be connected. Forever. 

That was what Eiji's letter had meant. He was just sorry that Eiji wouldn't see him again as he had assured him. I'm sorry to disappoint you, Eiji... We won't see each other again... 

As he was sitting there, he thought about all the time he had spent with Eiji, all the memories they made together, how they laughed and smiled together, got furious and fought with each other, spilled tears for each other, comforted and encouraged each other. 

In retrospect letting Eiji come into his life had been a mistake that could only result in eventually hurting or even killing him. He would have to let Eiji go eventually if he wanted to prevent that. He just couldn't mingle with ordinary people anymore without them getting hurt or even killed in the process. He knew that better than anyone else. He had learned that the hard way. His rational and analytic mind screamed endless warnings and him that what he should stay away from Eiji. Still, for the first time, he ignored all the warning signs and ignored all worst-case scenarios he had come up with.

But even though he had been fully aware of the risk, that letting him stay close would put Eiji in constant danger, he just hadn't had the guts to tell him to leave. And Eiji wouldn't have listened to him anyway. Eiji was warm-hearted and compassionate, but he could also be stubborn as hell sometimes, especially when it came to him. At the beginning, he had tried to get him to leave several times. Yet, Eiji hadn't done so. Instead, he had stayed by his side. And had stubbornly told him he wouldn't leave him. Judging by the pure determination reflected in his brown eyes, Eiji would never have changed his mind no matter what he had done...

Of course, Ash hadn't believed that he would stay at first. All other people he had cared about had left him eventually. Even his brother, the only person who had truly loved him. It had proven to him that he wasn't worthy of love or trust. He had been convinced after all he had suffered through that a vicious creature like him didn't deserve to feel anything.

Eiji had been the first person who had treated him with kindness and had even stood up for him. Why had he done that? He had absolutely no idea. Eiji could be friends with anyone around him easily... He had an easy-going personality and had radiated comfort everywhere he had gone. Everyone had been calmer when Eiji had been around. He saw it in the way his gang had acted. They had instantly adopted Eiji and had been much more relaxed around him, including him in all their shenanigans and swearing to protect him with their lives.

So why choose a monster like him? A devil? A murderer? A creature like him just didn't deserve such a genuinely good person in his life. Not with his dark past. And astonishingly enough, Eiji had even told him that he would stay by his side no matter what. Forever. Ash didn't believe in terms like forever. To him, it was apparent he wouldn't have a long life ahead of him. Live fast, die young. Even so, when Eiji had said that, he had desperately clung to it, secretly hoping that Eiji would stay...

  
Eiji had been scared by all the violence surrounding him, but that hadn't kept him from remaining by his side all this time. According to Eiji, he had trusted him and had been convinced he'd always be safe with him.

Eiji's words were like liquid sunshine raining down on his frozen heart and his indifferent and stubborn attitude, melting both and revealing the hurting boy and his shattered soul underneath the surface.

So he had done something he had never imagined doing at all: he had acted entirely contrary to Blanca's teachings, ignoring all rational thoughts and putting his emotions first. Maybe it had been his worst decision ever, but it had definitely been worth it. He had never regretted it. Not once. 

For him, Eiji had been the only light in the eternal darkness he had called a "life" until then. He had been a dazzling flame that had melted his ice-cold heart by radiating innocence, honesty and comfort. Eiji had made him feel again. Even more so, around Eiji, he had felt alive again, human, like a typical teenager. Eiji had taught him how good it felt to laugh, gave him hope for a better future, and shared his dreams with him. He hadn't even abandoned him when he had broken down crying. Instead, he had comforted him, lying next to him and letting him cry on his shoulder, telling him that he wasn't alone and that he'd do anything for him.

Eiji wasn't afraid of him at all. He smiled and glared at him, pouted and smirked at him, was bluntly honest with him and got mad at him. He made him feel complete for the first time. For the first time in his life, he had learned what true happiness felt like. For once, there had been someone caring for him without expecting anything in return. 

Eiji had just accepted all his faults and weaknesses, his nightmares and his pain and had just been there for him. He still didn't get why Eiji had stayed this whole time and had done so much for him. Eiji once told him he could clearly see the broken human being in him and his injured soul instead of a male prostitute and a relentless killer. Eiji had also tried to teach him that he had no reason to be afraid or even ashamed of himself. That his self-loathing was wrong because he had just been defending himself. That this had been his only option to survive. That he was not the guilty one here. 

But, as much as he'd like to believe in Eiji's kindhearted words, he had always thought it was too good to be true, too easy. He wasn't capable of trusting in them without looking for doubts in Eiji's voice or ulterior motives in his behavior. A monster like him didn't deserve such kind words and especially couldn't be friends with such a great person as Eiji. 

A tainted guy like him could never outrun his past. It would eventually catch up to him. But Eiji hadn't wanted to hear that. He even got angry for his sake. As puzzling as that was to him, Eiji somehow had seen a pure soul and a kind heart beneath his tough-guy-act. At least that's how he had explained it to him. 

There was nothing pure and kind about him. However, Eiji had just told him that he could see it clear as day even if he couldn't. That he will eventually see that as well. But he seriously doubted that. He still believed that he didn't deserve someone like Eiji. Not after all the cruel and ruthless actions and killing people without remorse. 

Eiji had tried to convince him that he is worthy of his friendship and had shown him the meaning of compassion, honesty and absolute trust. He had insisted that he did deserve happiness, as well. So he had slowly opened up to Eiji, the Iron Curtain he had built around his heart full of pain and suffering getting more and more cracks until it had finally been shattered into countless tiny pieces. Eiji had given him hope that there's the smallest chance that he could maybe change his way of life or even get a new life. A peaceful life. Hell, Eiji had also told him to come to Japan with him!

Ash hadn't believed him that Eiji had been serious about taking him to Japan. He had always assumed that Eiji said that to give him hope. He could never leave New York or the States. Too many people would chase him to the face of the earth. He would only bring the danger to Japan and drag Eiji and maybe even his family into mortal danger. He couldn't do that. 

Eiji's letter had taught him that his assumption had been utterly wrong. Eiji had even bought him a damn plane ticket as well. That little gift alone had meant the world to him because the plane ticket was proof that Eiji had been dead serious about taking him to Japan. Proof for their friendship and their unbreakable bond.

When he had seen the plane ticket, the whole truth and Eiji's true feelings had finally been revealed to him. Still, the plane ticket was only paling in comparison to Eiji's letter. 

_Ash, I'm worried to death because I haven't been able to see you doing well._

_You said we live in different worlds. But is that really true? We were born in different countries, and our skin and eye color are different. But so what? We're friends. Isn't that what counts? What else do we need?_

Ash smiled at that. Eiji always thought in such simple terms. To him, only their friendship mattered. He didn't care about Ash's past, his crimes or his ruthless actions. He had never listened to anyone telling him that Ash was a vicious monster. He had always defended Ash and stayed by his side. Eiji was capable of seeing into the depths of his soul and uncovering his real emotions. Seeing behind his tough-guy-act without any effort, Eiji had found the hurting little boy buried deep down inside that's was invisible to most. 

They were friends. That was all there was to it for him. If he had thought in such a naive way, he would have been dead long ago. Still, he admired Eiji for his naive and innocent attitude. It made life much more straightforward and more relaxing. 

_I'm really glad I came to America. I made many friends here. And more than anything, I met you, Ash._

_You asked me over and over if you scared me._

_But I have never been scared of you, not even once. From the first time, I met you._

That was the first thing that had impressed him about Eiji, from the moment he had met him. Eiji had learned he was a ruthless gang leader dominating New York's underworld. Still, he had approached him with his awful English and had asked if his gun was real and if he could see it as casually as if they had talked about the weather. Ash thought at first What a freak. He had looked like a grade-schooler, had been nervous and flustered. Ash had noticed in the way he scratched his face and how he looked at him. But to his astonishment, he couldn't find a trace of fear in his eyes. He had also looked straight into his eyes while most people evaded eye contact with him, so scared were they of him. 

It had utterly confused him and was so refreshing and new that he had actually handed his gun to him, much to the surprise of his gang. Eiji had just looked at it, had commented on how heavy it was and had thanked him. Eiji hadn't backed away as he was standing right in front of him as most people did. Instead, he had smiled at him. It was such an innocent and honest smile, radiating a genuine warmth that immediately spread through his entire body. It was a feeling he hadn't experienced ever before. It had felt so good and incredible that he was stunned for a second, and it left him completely speechless. 

There had been more to Eiji than had met the eye, more than he had been able to see at first glance, he had realized at the time.

_Actually, I couldn't help feeling that you are hurt much more than me - that your spirit is wounded. Funny, right?_  
_You're way bigger, smarter and stronger than me, but even so, I always felt like I had to protect you. I wonder what it is I wanted to protect you from? I think I wanted to protect you from your fate. From the fate that tried to carry you away like a flood._

Eiji hadn't realized how much he had helped him all that time, how much his mere presence had soothed him. Eiji hadn't been able to protect his body, yet, his injured soul and his bleeding heart had slowly started to heal. After a while, Ash slowly started to take his guard down and had opened up to him. Up to the point where he had begun to trust Eiji unconditionally and had even slept next to him. Or on top of him. Eiji made him feel safe and protected, and he loved the cozy feeling he radiated and had to smile every time he saw Eiji walking around in one of his oversized hoodies. It felt comfortable and relaxing. Like home.

With a start, he had noticed that Eiji had become his home, his safe haven, his reason to live, to survive each day in his harsh world. Sometimes home isn't a place but a person...

_Do you remember telling me about the leopard in that Hemingway book? He dies at the top of the mountain, and you said he knew he will never go back down._

_But I said you are not a leopard and that you can change your future. It's true, Ash. You can change your fate._

He desperately wanted to believe that he could change his fate. But with his connection to Dino, that was easier said than done... Still, Eiji gave him hope and courage to try, to at least dream about it. That he'd be free one day...

_You are not alone, Ash. My soul is always with you._

That was what had finally broken him. That sentence made him run to Eiji without even watching his surroundings, so much had that sentence meant to him. It was just one sentence. Yet, this tiny sentence contained all of Eiji's feelings towards him. That he'll always think about him even if they lived in different worlds, that they'll always be connected soul to soul. That he wasn't alone anymore, and their bond would last forever no matter how far apart they were.

This very sentence showed him how much he meant to Eiji and especially that their friendship was mutual and could never be broken no matter what would happen...

_Sayonara, New York... Sayonara, America._  
_But I'll never say Sayonara to you, Ash._

_Because this isn't good-bye. I know we'll see each other again someday... You're the best friend I'll ever have, Ash._

While he was sitting in the library, Ash was feeling pure sorrow and utter devastation that he wouldn't see Eiji again. He especially regretted that he hadn’t checked his surroundings before running to him. That grave mistake would destroy Eiji's hopes to see him again one day. But maybe it was better that way. 

Eiji deserved someone better. Not a troublemaker like him. This was the fate they both deserved. Eiji deserved a long life in the peaceful world he belonged in while he deserved to die for all the heinous crimes he had committed.  
  
In the end, Eiji would finally be safe in Japan and out of danger. That certainty alone was everything to him. He couldn't ask for more. And he wouldn't.


	2. Lost And Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is chapter 24 from Eiji’s point of view, wondering if he should fly to Japan or risk it all and save a rude, blonde gang leader instead.

  
Today was the day everything would end. 

In a few hours, he would fly back to Japan. There were many reasonable justifications for that. First, his family had learned of his gunshot wound and had begged him to come home, worrying about him, of course. 

Eiji didn't blame Ibe for telling his family. His wound had looked pretty serious at the beginning, so he had informed his family about it, of course. It had been a medical emergency. Lucky for him, the bullet hadn't done as much damage as the surgeons had thought at first. It still hurt a lot because two ribs had been broken thanks to the bullet. A bandaged wound with fresh stitches that hurt with every step he did didn't exactly improve his movements. He could only walk with some difficulty.

Another reason for flying back was that their visas had run out, and if they stayed any longer, they would be banned from entering the States again for at least five years. Maybe even ten. 

Even Charlie couldn't prolong that penalty any further. Learning that had sent a shiver down Eiji's spine. Ten years separated from Ash. He couldn't even begin to imagine that. Ash was everything to him. He'd rather live in constant danger by his side than to be safe without him. He wanted to wake up to his golden hair and his emerald green eyes for the rest of his life...

The last reason was that Ash was a walking target now that Dino was dead. Dino had been a vicious monster that had ruled the Corsican Mafia with an iron hand. He had raped, controlled and used Ash for years. Dino was the root of all evil as far as Eiji was concerned, and the origin of Ash's suffering and pain. 

Still, Dino had seen a successor in Ash, so he had held a protective hand over him, preventing anyone from killing him. Ash was his creation, so only he was allowed to destroy him. That was how Dino had seen it. And Max had told Eiji he had protected Ash at his last moments before falling down the building into a sea of flames. Now that he was dead, Dino's allies would hunt him down. As Dino's successor, he was a threat to their empire. 

While Eiji packed his things and stuffed them into a small duffel bag, he wondered what he should do. Max had told him what had happened. The censored version. He had hidden some things from him. He hated how everyone always thought they had to protect him. He was aware of the fact that he looked like a grade-schooler to most people. Even so, that didn't mean he was some damsel in distress. He wasn't fragile. He might look innocent with his huge brown eyes, but he was a lot tougher than he looked. Ok, he admitted honestly that he wasn't able to defend himself. He could neither shoot a gun nor use a knife. In that area, he had to rely entirely on Ash.

At the beginning, he had felt weak and pathetic, thinking he'd only slow Ash down and thinking of himself as a burden. Eiji was also aware of his innocence as well as his honest and open face that usually got him into trouble in Ash's harsh world.

Still, he had discovered that he possessed the talent of empathy, of seeing the real emotions even if people tried to cover them up. His honesty, kindness and warmth had helped Ash through his nightmares and had always comforted him. Eiji had seen how his mere presence had soothed Ash, had healed his soul, and mended his heart. So he had sworn to himself that he'd protect his broken self and his bleeding heart. After a while, he had also noticed that Ash helped him a lot as well. 

After his pole-vaulting injury that had shattered his ankle and therefore prevented him from pursuing a career in pole-vaulting any longer, he had drowned in a severe depression. 

Meeting Ash had been an eye-opener to him. Ash's horrible and yearlong experiences of rape and abuse from early childhood on, made his little injury paling in comparison. Eiji felt like an idiot getting depressed over something so utterly insignificant when Ash was fighting for his life every day! 

Ash had taught him what real courage looked like. His fearless willpower and his cold-blooded leadership had impressed him. What he had admired above all else had been his stubborn refusal to give up. He had never given up, no matter how desperate the situation. Instead, he had come up with a plan anticipating his opponent's next steps and had turned the tables in his favor. He had never surrendered or given in to his cruel fate but had kept on fighting even if the odds were against him. 

Eiji had felt pathetic when watching how Ash had fought for his life every day while he had been feeling sorry for himself back in Japan. 

When Ash has broken down crying after one of his terrifying nightmares, he'd told him he would always stay by his side. That was the moment he had sworn to himself that he would do anything for him and protect his fragile self and his pure but shattered soul. No matter the cost. So he wouldn't turn back on his promise now. Every fiber of his being screamed at him not to leave New York. At least not without Ash by his side. 

_Even if the world turns on you, I'll always be by your side._

He had seen serious when he had told Ash that. That hadn't been a superficial phrase he'd just picked up somewhere. He had truly meant that and wanted to demonstrate Ash that he wasn't alone anymore. Maybe he was just a sidekick and couldn't do much. Even so, he had stopped feeling guilty for staying by his side. For slowing Ash down. He had learned long ago that they both shared a rare bond, that their souls were connected forever. 

_An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of place, time or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle. But it will never break._

That was a Chinese proverb Eiji had grown up with. Maybe it was stupid or naive, yet, Eiji believed in it with all his heart. He was convinced that fate had brought them together. They were destined to be soulmates, two suffering souls gaining true happiness by completing each other. 

He was twisted between going back to Japan and coming back for Ash. His reason told him to go to Japan, where he'd be safe, could recover and continue leading a peaceful life.

All his feelings, however, screamed at him to look for Ash. That he was probably suffering alone again and it was a bad idea to leave him now. He was feeling deep inside that he would regret this decision for all eternity if he left Ash alone now. Besides, he had promised Ash never to leave him.

Unfortunately, Eiji had always been bad at listening to reason. Unlike Ash, he had always relied on his instinct, on his emotions instead. Ash had always scolded him for that. Even so, that would never change. That was how he ticked after all. He would never be as rational and analytical as Ash, mainly because he wasn't nearly as smart as him. Still, he could always rely on his instinct, it had never once failed him, and it wouldn't do so in this desperate situation.

So, in the end, he decided to go to Ash. He had promised to stay by his side forever, after all. He couldn't break this promise no matter what. In case the police caught him with an invalid visa, Ash's gang would certainly hide him without any hesitation. They had grown close and were like a family to him. It would all turn out well somehow. He could practically feel Ash standing behind him with crossed arms, a frown emerging on his forehead, scolding him that his plan had too many loopholes. 

He just needed a way to escape from here that wouldn't attract attention and wouldn't arouse suspicion in Max and Ibe. How in the world could he escape from here without Max or Ibe noticing? They were watching his every move like hawks since he had been shot.

He immediately had a guilty conscience after thinking that. He was still grateful that Ibe had taken him to New York after his pole vaulting accident and his depression afterwards. He had needed to escape from Izumo at the time. He couldn't stand all these people looking at him with so much pity in their eyes. He didn't need pity. He needed an alternative goal—a new reason to live. Ibe had offered him that. Another life in a world where no one knew him. A fresh start. A clean slate. He didn't want to disappoint Ibe. He had already caused him enough trouble. Still, he couldn't stop thinking about Ash and what he would do now. 

Ash needed him much more at the moment. And what did it matter if he missed another flight? Ash was always worth it. Knowing Ash, he would be devastated that Eiji would leave him but too stubborn to admit that even to himself. So he wouldn't come to say goodbye or ask him to stay, too afraid he would hurt him or put him in danger again. 

That was the reason that Eiji had asked Sing who had come by this morning to deliver a letter to Ash. It was a farewell letter that he had poured all of his emotions into. He needed Ash to understand how much he meant to him, that he wasn't alone anymore and that they would always be connected even if they were worlds apart. That he would still be by his side, and not one day would pass where he wouldn't think about him. 

_My soul is always with you._

Knowing Ash and his self-destructive personality, Eiji was scared that Ash would do something drastic now that he knew he would leave New York. He wouldn't outright kill himself, but if someone attacked him, he wouldn't fight against it in the current situation. 

He sat on his bed, pondering on how to escape from here. He couldn't climb out of his window because it was on the third floor. It wasn't that high. Still, it was impossible for him considering his gunshot wound and his broken ribs. He would only rip his wound open again, or he'd faint from the pain in his ribs. He wasn't as tough as Ash, after all.

That's when he suddenly remembered that there was a public restroom on the ground floor of the hospital. Yes, that would work. He knew that the window could be opened because he often spent time in the cafeteria. That was the only place inside the hospital where he was allowed to make phone calls since cell phones were forbidden inside the rooms because they interfered with the medical equipment.

And besides, he had seen that culprits fled the scene of a crime that way in various American movies he had watched with Ash. He prayed it would also work in reality. He had to try. For Ash. For himself. 

_For us._

Eiji pocketed his cell phone and his purse and told Ibe and Max he had to go to the restroom before leaving. He went inside, checked if no one was there and opened the window. It took some effort because his broken rips screamed obscenities at him. He clenched his teeth and climbed through the window. Then, putting a protective arm across his wound, he stumbled to the next subway station. While riding the subway, he wrote a short message to Ibe. 

_Sorry but I have to see Ash before I can leave New York. I'm sorry for always causing you trouble._   
_Eiji_

Eiji exited the subway and walked to the Public Library. It was just a hunch that Ash was here. It had always been his favorite place in this city. Ash had always relaxed in that library. He loved the atmosphere and being surrounded by books and knowledge soothed him. It had always been his sanctuary. So Eiji would look there first.

Eiji walked through the hallway and climbed the steps up to the third floor. He had spent much time here and therefore knew exactly where Ash would be sitting. He had a favorite spot in the Rose Reading Room, so that's where Eiji was heading to now.

As he had assumed, he sat at the same spot as always. But something wasn't right. His posture was different than usual, slumped over, and his head was resting on the table as if sleeping. When Eiji approached him, he realized with a start that his hands were covered in blood. He also noticed little droplets of blood on the floor next to his chair. Only then did he realize that he was sleeping on his... letter?

Eiji couldn't help himself. For a moment, he had frozen up, staring at the bloody farewell letter that Ash's head was resting on. He couldn't believe it. Then he woke up from his daze and checked his wrist for a pulse. Relief flooded over his face when he noticed that he was only unconscious and wasn't dead. He gripped his shoulders and shook him. At first, he didn't react.

"Ash! Ash! Wake up! It's me, Eiji."

"Ei - ji...", Ash mumbled, still in a daze. Then he slowly opened his eyes. Ash's eyes were still unfocused, but after a while, they became clearer and finally recognized him. Ash's eyes widened in pure shock when he saw him. 

"Eiji? What are you doing here? Why aren't you at the fucking airport?", Ash exclaimed furiously.

When the people in the library signaled him to be quieter, he stopped abruptly. "You'll miss your flight. Leave!", he said in a low voice that wasn't any less harsh. 

That stubborn idiot, Eiji thought. Why couldn't he be honest only once? At least to himself? Admitting he wished he would stay? Eiji crossed his arms, and his eyes were glowing a golden brown while he looked at him in pure defiance. If looks could kill, Ash would be dead already.

"Is that all you have to say to me? Leave? Really? What about Have a safe trip. Call me if you've arrived safely. I'll miss you? Or at least Thank you for coming back for me? For seeing me one last time?”

Ash just stared at him with a blank look on his face. Then he took a deep breath. 

"Sorry, I'm glad you came to see me one last time. Thank you for doing that. Now _please_ leave."

Eiji pouted at him, still angry at his rude attitude. "No, I won't. Not until you've explained to me what happened, Ash. There's blood on your hands. And you're bleeding.", Eiji exclaimed, while fear overwhelmed his voice. He tried not to talk too loud, or they would be thrown out of the library. Still, it was apparent that his voice hadn't been quiet enough since he heard hushing sounds all around them, signaling him to lower his voice. 

"Let me see your wound."

"No!", Ash exclaimed angrily. When he realized how loud his voice had been and he wouldn't get rid of Eiji any time soon, he pocketed the letter and grabbed Eiji's wrist. 

"Let's go. Before we get thrown out."

They walked down the steps to the ground floor. Ash flinched slightly, and his forehead wrinkled, trying to hide the pain. Eiji just rolled his eyes and put his arm around his shoulder, supporting him. His ribs screamed obscenities at him, but he stubbornly ignored the pain. Ash's injury was probably much more severe, and he couldn't see it properly in the dimly lit room. Furthermore, he wore a black sweater that covered up the blood easily so that Eiji had no other choice than to inspect his wound in broad daylight. Before they were leaving, they went to the restroom where Eiji swiped some items from the first aid kit.

"You've turned to the dark side now?" Ash had a smirk on his face. 

"I've learned that from a blonde, rude gang leader who constantly ends up getting hurt. But don't worry, I've left five dollars in the first aid kit.", Eiji defended himself. A guilty look crossed his face for a second before giving him his most innocent smile. 

They walked to Bryant Park. Since it was winter and it was cloudy and snowing from time to time, not many people were here. They found a park bench that was hidden mostly from sight by some huge trees. It wasn't the best idea to inspect his wound in the cold like this. Still, Eiji didn't know the surroundings that well, and they needed a place that didn't attract attention. Ash had stubbornly reminded him that he couldn't go to a hospital, or he'd be arrested on the spot.

"Lie down. Now, Ash!"

Ash sighed dramatically and lay down on the bench. He knew when Eiji looked like that, he had no chance in hell against him. It was useless fighting him. 

Eiji opened his coat and pulled up his sweater. His sweater was damp from all the blood, but it wasn't as bad as Eiji had feared. Eiji wondered why. Even someone like him knew a stab wound in that area caused significant damage. Especially if the knife was pulled out again. Besides, Eiji was usually the one cleaning up and bandaging his injuries, so he had seen more stab wounds, cuts and gunshot wounds to last him a lifetime. 

That's when he saw something dangling from his neck. No, it couldn't be... There was no way Ash would have kept it. He didn't believe in stuff like that. Eiji had insisted he'd keep it in case something terrible would happen shortly before he had been shot...

Around his neck, Ash wore a neck strap so long it barely reached the spot where his injury was. At the end of it, a charm was attached. It was the charm Eiji's sister had given him before he had gone to New York. Shortly before the attack, Eiji had handed the charm to Ash, making him promise he'd carry it with him at all times. A frown had appeared on his forehead before he had looked at the charm doubtfully. 

"I don't believe in such things, Eiji. I've survived all this time without one.", he had stubbornly countered, handing it back.

"But I do believe in them. And a bit of luck can never hurt, right?", Eiji had asked him, winking.

"Says the Japanese klutz who practically stumbles over his own two feet...", Ash had muttered in a low voice. Even so, he had put the charm around his neck and had hidden it under his shirt. Eiji had smiled at him. 

Eiji couldn't believe he'd really kept it. When he saw the charm, his eyes widened with genuine surprise. "You've kept my charm all the time?", he asked him, beaming at him.

"So what about it? I just forgot to remove it.", Ash said stubbornly, looking away from him.

"Well, the charm has worked. You're one lucky idiot, Ash!", Eiji exclaimed with a huge smile dawning on his face. 

Eiji picked up the charm and shoved it in his face. Ash's eyes widened significantly. The red charm with some patterns in yellow and green was now covered in blood. In the middle of it was a big cut that appeared to have come from a knife, considering its length and width. 

"The charm has stopped most of the damage, you dumb idiot! Someone like you who refuses to believe in charms like this one doesn't deserve so much luck. But I'm happy that it saved your life.", Eiji smiled at him softly, gently removing some strands out of his face. Then he smacked him on the head, glaring at him and feigning annoyance. 

"Don't worry me like that!", he complained, unable to hide the relief that lit up his brown eyes.

"But we have to stop the bleeding. I can't believe you haven't treated your wound,   
Ash. ", he complained while cleaning his wound, applied antiseptics and put a sterile gauze dressing over it.

"Ouch, fuck, Eiji, can't you do this more gentle or something?", Ash exclaimed furiously, glaring at him, his green eyes burning wildly. 

Eiji just shrugged. "No, I can't, my sensitive American. That should do for the moment.”, he said smiling warmly at him. “I can’t leave you alone, can I?”, he scolded him lightly, ruffling his hair. “What am I gonna do with you?”, he asked, shaking his head in resignation. 

"So, what will you do now? You'll still leave for Japan, right?", Ash said in such a devastatingly sad voice Eiji heard his heart shattering. As if even the smallest spark of hope had finally fizzled out. 

Eiji looked directly into Ash's darkened eyes. "Now, we will catch a plane. ", Eiji smiled happily at him and took his hand, dragging him along. 

"You mean you and Ibe?", Ash asked in pure confusion. 

"No, you idiot! I mean you and me. We're going to fly to Japan. Together. You still have my plane ticket, right?", he asked, turning back to him and winking.

Ash nodded, then smiled at him. Not his usual smirk or wicked grin but a genuinely happy smile that even reached his eyes, lighting them up and making them sparkle emerald green. That was the moment that Eiji decided he would always protect this radiant smile. Forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my commissioned story. 
> 
> I hope you’ve enjoyed reading it. 
> 
> Please tell me what you thought about it. Kudos and comments always make my day and encourage me to write more.

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to add that I’ve cried while writing the first chapter😭 I still had much fun writing it, though. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and I hope you’ll like it as well. 
> 
> As always, I appreciate kudos and/or comments and bookmarks, they mean the world to me!


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